Taking the Cats to the Vet

I took the cats to the vet today.  It was a traumatic experience for everyone involved.

The cats like to go outside early in the morning, so I took the precaution of locking each of them into a separate room overnight with a bowl of food, a bowl, of water, and a litterbox.  I was hoping to get a stool sample from each of them overnight.  I should have known better...

A half hour before it was time to go to the vet, I tracked down the animal carriers and went after Luna (the more agreeable one) and put her in her box.  No fights with that little girl, she's always ready for an adventure.  I scoped out her litterbox, but she had made absolutely no deposits over night.

I went after Tiger next.  One huge catfight later, I had two bloody gashes on my hand and a cat that had buried himself under the middle of the bed.  I finally dislodged him from the bed, only to turn around and find that Luna had let herself out of her carrier and was firmly lodged in Tiger's carrier.

Actually, this turned out to be a very good thing!  Once Tiger saw Luna in his carrier, he immediately lunged from my arms, and started squabbling with Luna, until she left the carrier and he could get in.

I locked his carrier and attempted to get Luna into hers.  No sooner did I shut her door than she began prizing open the weak edge at the top.  Desperate, I found a length of blue ribbon and tied her cage together so she couldn't open it again.

5 short minutes later, we were in the waiting room at the vet's office.

When we were called back, the tech decided to go with Luna first.  (Remember, she's the agreeable one.)  She purred through her initial exam, preened herself, and generally had a great time.  When the tech told Luna "OK, I'm done with you, I need to see Tiger next", Luna hopped right off of the table, walked over to one of the chairs, and assumed her sphinx pose while watching Tiger.

It took both of us to dislodge Tiger from the carrier.  We had to turn it upside down to get him out.  He hissed, he fussed, and he made snarly noises the entire time the tech looked at him.

Then came the fun part:  The vet came in!

Remember, Luna is still sitting on the chair, purring away and swishing her tail.  She was enjoying the spectacle!

The vet felt Tiger's abdomen.  Tiger growled.  She checked his teeth.  He hissed.  She gave him his shots.  Tiger made snarly noises at her.  The minute she finshed and said "OK Tiger, I'm done with you, you can go now" he jumped down off of the table and ran into his carrier.

The vet looked at Luna and said "OK Luna - you're next!"  (I swear I am not making this up!)  Luna hopped off of the chair and sauntered over to the table.  The vet picked her up and put her on the table, attempting to feel Luna's abdomen.  Luna immediately rolled over onto her back, squiremed around, and got her head under the vet's hand.  The vet tried to check Luna's teeth.  Luna immediately rolled over onto her back, squirmed around, and put her back under the vet's hand.  While the vet was trying to keep Luna still long enough to give her the shots, she asked me "Did you manage to get a stool sample from her?"

"No", I answered.  "She hasn't done anything at all in the last 12 hours.  I had her locked in a room overnight with the litter box, and she didn't even pee."

It's like that was the cue that cat had been waiting for.  With an insane gleam in her green eyes, she let loose at both ends, giving the vet both kinds of samples.  Luna hopped down off the table and hopped back into her box. 

We all stood there, too stunned to speak for a few minutes.

"Well", said the tech, "At least we have our samples!"

Those cats!  I guess we know who's really in charge!

This post originally appeared in my now defunct "Mom's View" blog.  I moved it to this blog at the request of my kids, who wanted to have all of the various posts that accompanied their high school years in one place.  I've matched the publication dates here to their original post date.  If you're reading these posts, I sincerely thank you for taking the time to go back through them all! 

Several Comedies of Error

I've been subbing a lot the past few weeks.  Jobs have been plentiful... and the motivation that says "You won't get a paycheck for June, July, or August" has kept me moving pretty quickly on taking up the jobs.  Today is a rare day off, so I thought I would share my comedy of errors over the last few weeks.

I normally only substitute in K-3rd grade, because that is my area of certification, and it is the age group I am best at teaching.  Unfortunately, several of the jobs I took over the past couple of weeks were "supplementary", which is the grab bag of the substitute world.  I didn't know what I was getting into until I walked in the door of the building that morning.  Surprise!!

I spent one particularly memorable afternoon in 5th grade.  The teacher had left us with a DVD to watch, and had trained the kids how to turn it on and get it to go.  Her final words to me before she left "You don't touch anything.  Only she does." (pointing to a child in the class)  Okie Dokie!  We finished up the lessons she had left, and then we attempted to start the movie.  Nothing happened.  The girl tried again, and nothing happened.  The kids became very, very helpful.  (overly helpful) Yet still, nothing happened.  I called down to the main office, and they sent an Assistant Principal down to "show us" how to fix it.  He ended up calling the media specialist, who then ended up calling the technology guy from the county who was in the building working on the network. So, while all of the great minds were working on getting the DVD to run, what were the kids doing?  We started playing "Simon Says".  Twenty minutes later, the crew of four adults looked at me and said "It's not working."  (Insert evil teacher/mom glare here.)  I asked, "so what do I do?"  "Oh, said the AP, you follow the plans she left you."  I handed him the plans that said in clear letters: "Watch movie.  The kids know how to turn it on.  Dismissal begins at 3:15".  Thank heavens, the teacher next door poked her head around the corner at that moment and said "We're just getting ready to start the movie.  Why don't you bring them in here?" 

I spent one day with an assistant teacher who couldn't remember my last name.  She kept calling me Mrs. Jones, no matter how many times I corrected her.  Finally, I gave up and let her call me Mrs. Jones for the rest of the day.  I found out yesterday that she calls every sub in her room Mrs. Jones. 

I was reading a book aloud to a group of students, sitting in the rocking chair when *CRASH* the entire rocking chair broke apart underneath me!  There I was, one shocked woman, sitting amidst the remains of a rocking chair!  (Once I finally caught my breath and figured out how I ended up on the floor, we called the story finished and went outside for a quick extra recess.)

On my way out of the building yesterday, I was accosted by a teacher that I subbed for last week.
"Did you hear the news?"  she asked.  "No, what?"  I replied.
"Seven kids in my class have lice.  They found them the day after you subbed for me.  You need to get checked before you leave today."

What a wonderful, wonderful couple of weeks it's been!

This post originally appeared in my now defunct "Mom's View" blog.  I moved it to this blog at the request of my kids, who wanted to have all of the various posts that accompanied their high school years in one place.  I've matched the publication dates here to their original post date.  If you're reading these posts, I sincerely thank you for taking the time to go back through them all!