I went with our high school robotics team to demonstrate our robot. The place we went is a place where I used to work over 5 years ago. I thought we had departed on good terms. And I thought I was friends with many of the people there. Several of those people are my facebook friends.
I want to clarify one thing. This particular employer is one of our sponsors. They donate time and money, and resources to our team, and they invited us to come in and share the robot, our trophies, and our pictures during their lunch hours, in their cafeteria.
So, I showed up with the kids and robot today and we set up our display and set to work, showing off the robot and talking to visitors about who we are, what we do, and how we go about doing this.
I saw people that I recognized, and waved to them in passing. I didn't speak to them. I didn't interrupt their work. All I did was the equivalent of a chin raise and a "sup" as they passed by.
They looked at me. I KNOW they recognized me. I saw the recognition in their faces. And then, they hastily looked the other way.
I saw other people that I didn't know well, who I never thought of as friends who took the time to stop by, say hello, and ask how I was doing. They talked to the kids about the robot. They thanked me for coming out and followed up with an "It was so good to see you again!"
Strange.
I thought about it for a while. Friendship requires a certain level of acknowledgement of the existence of the other person. I understand that you may be working, but a head nod, a smile of recognition, or even a quick wave, just to say "HEY" is what is required to let the other sojourner in the world know that someone else out there knows you, recognizes you, and claims you as someone they know.
What I saw today baffled me.
It's odd, since many of them are my facebook friends, and I had posted on my page last night "We're going to be there tomorrow during lunch time!", and several of them had posted back "Great! Can't wait to see you and the robot."
Now, the root issue here is that they are my facebook friends. I have very strict guidelines on my facebook family. I have my page locked down very, very tight. If you are one of my facebook friends, you are either family or you are a friend who talks to me. You are someone I'd go get a couple of beers at Chili's with some Friday night and shoot the breeze. You acknowledge me, I acknowledge you, and we care about each other's lives and families.
I don't have random friends on facebook. I don't friend people just to up my friend count. My facebook friends are my real life friends.
This behavior bothered me more than I care to admit.
I called one of the ladies involved tonight and said "Hey! I missed seeing you today at lunch!" (Even though I saw her walk by and avert her gaze as she walked past.) "Oh, you know how it is", she replied "I'm just so busy I never even got down to the cafeteria. I got a promotion, you know, and it keeps me hopping. I really didn't know what busy was before. Well, I've got to go now. It was good talking to you. We'll have to do this again sometime."
Long story short, I unfriended the parties involved on facebook. Not to be mean, not to be spiteful. But because I realized a truth about our friendship.
You know what they say. With a real friend, you can go years without seeing each other. The first time you then get together, it's like nothing has changed. You sit down and start talking as if it was yesterday.
Friendship does take nurturing. It does need to be watered with love and care.
I'm off to go nurture a friendship now.
I believe I see a Chili's gathering in my very near future....
This post originally appeared in my now defunct "Mom's View" blog. I
moved it to this blog at the request of my kids, who wanted to have all
of the various posts that accompanied their high school years in one
place. I've matched the publication dates here to their original post
date. If you're reading these posts, I sincerely thank you for taking
the time to go back through them all!
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