Graduation Advice

We had a graduation party over the weekend for the two graduates.  Family and friends were invited.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself!  This was the first time I've ever had something catered and haven't done all of the work myself.  Let me tell you, it was fantastic!  The house was cleaned and ready to go on Friday night, and I wasn't stressed about the cooking and the baking, and making sure we had enough food.  I priced out the raw materials that I would have used to make the food for Saturday, and I actually came out ahead by having someone else cater the meal.  And that's NOT counting my time and stress!  I know what I'll be doing for big family gatherings from now on!

Back to the point of this post.  My Mother in Law has always had "different" advice for my daughter.  Advice that I find would be hurtful and would hold her back - and could potentially damage her career and self-esteem.  One example: Don't complain when men insult you, they'll think badly of you.  Another Example: You can never be more successful than the men, they'll find a way to get back at you.

*sigh*

Over the years, she has sent daughter countless letters with advice like this.  Most of them, I intercept and don't let her see.  Some of them, daughter has seen and she's asked me "Is Grandma crazy?"

Keep in mind, my Mother in Law is 78.

But, the advice she got in her graduation envelope was over the top.  I'm still angry about it, and I really, really need to vent, so I'm going to rant here, on my blog, because sharing my problems with strangers on the internet seems the more prudent way to go.

 There's the usual "I'm so very proud of you", followed by this:

Be safe.  Rules for college girls can be strict.  That is for your own safety.  As you mature and learn via the college gossip what happened to others that didn't follow rules, you will be glad that you did. ..... 
One of the girls I went to school with came to lunch and was very upset because she wrote of her experiences in separate letters to her mother and her best girl friend back home.  What she worried about was that she was afraid that she'd put the letter to the friend in her mother's envelope and the letter to her mother in the friends envelope.  We all talked about what she had done..

I was more upset about the first paragraph.  That entire thing about rules being different for girls than for boys.  There's been an awful lot of work done by an awful lot of people over the years to eliminate that type of discrimination and ensure equal opportunity.  I know there is still work to be done, but that kind of thinking is just wrong.  She is basically endorsing the idea that men are better than women, and just accept it as the way things are.

Daughter read this and said "So, the biggest threat she sees to my safety is that I'm going to put a letter in the wrong envelope???" I'm going to go to school in a city, and by far, the biggest threat to any college age woman is rape or partner violence, and she's telling me that I can't tell my mother the same things I'd tell my friends?   I can tell my mother anything, and I know she won't judge me.  I'm not sure I can be that open with my friends.

Finally, she got to the envelope from my 85 year old mother.  Her words of advice were written inside of the card, and they were very simple:

1) Always keep your covered drink in your own hands.  Never put it down, never let anyone refill it for you.  This includes your water bottle.

2) NEVER accept a drink from a stranger.

3) You have the right to defend yourself.  If you ever find yourself in that kind of a situation, I expect you to fight dirty, as if your life depends upon it, and don't worry about hurting the other person.  Make enough of a scene that the other person either gives up and runs away, or other people step in or call the cops.  Make sure you yell and scream "I don't know this person, someone help me!"

I honestly think my Mom gave my daughter better advice.  I agree with each and every point.

I do know that the risk of rape and assault amongst college age women is phenomenal, and the very best defense is knowledge, and being aware of her surroundings.  (Situational Awareness)

Thanks for letting me vent.  Now that I look back at it, it's not as bad as it seemed at first... I guess this is the equivalent of internet deep breathing!