Several Comedies of Error

This post originally appeared in my now defunct "Mom's View" blog. It originally appeared on May 24, 2012.  Oh, the woes of a substitute teacher!  Those were the days!

  
I've been subbing a lot the past few weeks.  Jobs have been plentiful... and the motivation that says "You won't get a paycheck for June, July, or August" has kept me moving pretty quickly on taking up the jobs.  Today is a rare day off, so I thought I would share my comedy of errors over the last few weeks.

I normally only substitute in K-3rd grade, because that is my area of certification, and it is the age group I am best at teaching.  Unfortunately, several of the jobs I took over the past couple of weeks were "supplementary", which is the grab bag of the substitute world.  I didn't know what I was getting into until I walked in the door of the building that morning.  Surprise!!

I spent one particularly memorable afternoon in 5th grade.  The teacher had left us with a DVD to watch, and had trained the kids how to turn it on and get it to go.  Her final words to me before she left "You don't touch anything.  Only she does." (pointing to a child in the class)  Okie Dokie!  We finished up the lessons she had left, and then we attempted to start the movie.  Nothing happened.  The girl tried again, and nothing happened.  The kids became very, very helpful.  (overly helpful) Yet still, nothing happened.  I called down to the main office, and they sent an Assistant Principal down to "show us" how to fix it.  He ended up calling the media specialist, who then ended up calling the technology guy from the county who was in the building working on the network. So, while all of the great minds were working on getting the DVD to run, what were the kids doing?  We started playing "Simon Says".  Twenty minutes later, the crew of four adults looked at me and said "It's not working."  (Insert evil teacher/mom glare here.)  I asked, "so what do I do?"  "Oh, said the AP, you follow the plans she left you."  I handed him the plans that said in clear letters: "Watch movie.  The kids know how to turn it on.  Dismissal begins at 3:15".  Thank heavens, the teacher next door poked her head around the corner at that moment and said "We're just getting ready to start the movie.  Why don't you bring them in here?" 

I spent one day with an assistant teacher who couldn't remember my last name.  She kept calling me Mrs. Jones, no matter how many times I corrected her.  Finally, I gave up and let her call me Mrs. Jones for the rest of the day.  I found out yesterday that she calls every sub in her room Mrs. Jones. 

I was reading a book aloud to a group of students, sitting in the rocking chair when *CRASH* the entire rocking chair broke apart underneath me!  There I was, one shocked woman, sitting amidst the remains of a rocking chair!  (Once I finally caught my breath and figured out how I ended up on the floor, we called the story finished and went outside for a quick extra recess.)

On my way out of the building yesterday, I was accosted by a teacher that I subbed for last week.
"Did you hear the news?"  she asked.  "No, what?"  I replied.
"Seven kids in my class have lice.  They found them the day after you subbed for me.  You need to get checked before you leave today."

What a wonderful, wonderful couple of weeks it's been!

It's a Sub Job. What Can Go Wrong?

I originally published this in 2013.  As I recall, this particular incident happened towards the end of the school year, but I didn't get around to writing it down until the summer of 2013.  Enjoy the look back!

When I sub, I normally only sub in grades K-3.  I'm certified to teach K-3, and when I was teaching, I taught K-3.  It's the group that I am most comfortable with, and am the best at teaching.  However, as the year comes to a close, I stop being so picky and take just about any job I can find.  I think it's that motivation that says "You won't be getting a paycheck in June, July, and August" that makes me be less picky.

One day in late May, I took a job entitled "Supplementary".  These jobs are the grab bag of the substitute world.  You don't know what you're getting into until you walk in the door of the building that morning.  Surprise!!

This particular day, I was assigned to 2nd grade in the morning and 5th grade in the afternoon.  The 2nd grade class was a hoot, and I spent a wonderful time with a great class of kids, and had an awesome set of lesson plans to follow.  I enjoyed myself no end.

The afternoon with 5th grade was particularly memorable.  The teacher had left us with a DVD to watch, and had trained one child how to turn it on and get it to go.  The movie was in her laptop, and it was to be projected from her laptop onto the white board in front of the room.  Her final words to me before she left were "YOU don't touch anything.  Only SHE does."  (Pointing to a child in the class.)  Okie Dokie!

We finished up the lesson she had left, and then SHE attempted to start the movie. Nothing happened.  The girl tried, again, and nothing happened.  The kids became very, very helpful.  (Overly helpful, even.)  Yet still, nothing happened.  I called down to the main office, and they sent an Assistant Principal down to "show us" how to make it work.  He ended up calling the media specialist, who then ended up calling the technology guy from the county who was in the building working on the network. 

So, while all of the great minds were working on getting the DVD to run, what were the kids doing?  We started playing "Simon Says".  Twenty minutes later, the crew of four adults looked at me and said "It's not working."  (Insert evil teacher/mom glare here.)  I asked, "So, what do I do?" 

"Oh," said the Assistant Principal, "You follow the plans she left you."  I handed them the plans that said: "Watch the movie.  The kids know how to turn it on.  YOU don't touch the laptop.  Only the trained student may start the DVD.   Dismissal begins at 3:15."  He gave me a blank stare, and you could see the same panic I was feeling beginning to build behind his eyes.

Thankfully, at that minute, the teacher next door stuck her head around the corner and said "Hey, do you want to join us?  I'm just about to start the movie.  The kids are welcome to come over and sit on the floor!"

At least I didn't touch the laptop!!