The man battled some demons. Powerful demons.
All of his life, he has struggled with mental illness. We have all sat on the sidelines, watching in horror as he would attempt to self-medicate his problems with drugs and alcohol. He even joked about his struggle in his comedy routine. Eventually, he would enter rehab, get clean, and attempt to live a normal life. He would succeed for long periods of time, and then something would happen and he would begin self-medicating again, attempting to control the demons that haunted him until he once again entered rehab. At the time of his death, Robin was in treatment for his depression.
I keep seeing posts on social media that say "Suicide is the Ultimate Selfish Act" and "Get Help. You're not alone", posted along with the numbers for the Suicide Prevention Hotline.
If things were only that simple.
As the mother of a child who struggles with depression, I can attest to the fact that it is not that simple.
Suicide is not a selfish act. The sufferer finds him/herself so ultimately plagued by the internal struggle that they can't see any other way out. Family can be totally unaware of the battle that is raging within until it is too late. People who struggle with depression are very good at "blending" - making everything appear normal so that nobody else is aware of what is going on inside.
Because of our society's blatant misunderstanding and marginalization of those who struggle, people are afraid to tell others what they are feeling - their own interior struggles. They fear being ostracized, fired, ignored, stigmatized, or shunned.
Mental illness is a chemical imbalance. Many people are not aware that our bodies are chemical factories. Everything from our blood cholesterol, to diabetes, to mental illness is regulated by the chemical factories within our own bodies. Sometimes, our chemical factories are deficient. It is not our fault - it is something that is beyond our personal control.
Get Help... You're Not Alone. Here's the other lie. Getting help is not easy. You can call the suicide prevention hotline. They will attempt to talk you out of your "bad" place, and help you get to the hospital. So, you find yourself (or your loved one) at the hospital. 72 hours later, you will find yourself released with a claim of being cured! I'm sorry - but 72 hours is not enough time to make certain that you are stable, and ready to be back on your own. You can find yourself back at home 72 hours later, with a pile of drugs, and the same demons are still haunting you.
Getting through depression, and helping to keep it under control demands in-depth work with a psychiatrist and a therapist. Not only will you be looking deep within yourself and finding ways to help deal with your demons, and finding strategies to help keep yourself stable, you will need to work with a psychiatrist who will be able to monitor your progress, and help you make adjustments to your meds as necessary.
Even then, setbacks will happen.
Speaking again here as a parent of a child who has struggled with depression, I can tell you that while we did find a therapist immediately, it took us 6 months to get into to see a psychiatrist who would be able to prescribe the meds and monitor progress. Six long months of constant worry on my part, where I would sit up all night outside of the bedroom doors, ensuring that nobody got up to hurt themselves. Six months of being there every single minute of the day. I would only sleep during the day, when school was in session. Even with my constant vigilance, we still had moments when I was afraid that it wouldn't be enough and that we would lose the battle.
When a person is in the middle of a deep depression, they often don't see that they can get help, or that the need is there. This is where family and friends come in. If you see someone that you love is struggling with a deep depression and don't seem to be coming out of it, you need to step in and help them seek help. Gently, and lovingly, but you must be the one to reach out to them. If you are fighting for the life of a loved one - YOU - are the one who needs to make the phone calls and find the help that is so desperately needed.
What are the signs of depression?
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- Fatigue and decreased energy
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
- Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
- Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- Irritability, restlessness
- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
- Overeating or appetite loss
- Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
- Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
- Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
- A sudden switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy
- Always talking or thinking about death
- Clinical depression (deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating) that gets worse
- Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving through red lights
- Losing interest in things one used to care about
- Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
- Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
- Saying things like "It would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
- Talking about suicide (killing one's self)
- Visiting or calling people one cares about
Serious, clinical depression is a fight for a life.
A single life.
Do you care enough to fight the battle for someone else?
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