Kids Living At Home

CBS News recently reported that grown children are moving back home with their parents after graduation from college.  The report stated that kids are driving their parents into the poor house because they are bleeding their parents dry, financially.  Parents are hitting up their savings accounts to buy things for their kids.  And the kids who are living in their basements are not working.  You can see the full report HERE. 

Speaking not only as a kid who moved back home after graduation, but also as a parent who has had a kid move back in after graduation, I have some thoughts about this.  I do believe that if a recent graduate needs to move back in, while they save up some money, that is okay. 

 I was given a piece of advice before I graduated from college: the first job you got after graduation would influence the rest of your career.  When I graduated from college in the Eighties, jobs were plentiful.  I quickly found a job, and lived at home for two years while paying rent and saving money.  It was because I lived at home that I was able to save money to put down half on a car, to have the money to pay cash for our wedding, and save money for what was eventually a portion of the down payment on our house.

We sat down with Middle Child after his graduation and worked out his plan.  As my parents did with me, he has six months to live with us rent free and search for a job.  After six months, he will need to have a job and start paying something towards household expenses.  He will have to buy his own car, pay for the maintenance and upkeep on the car, as well as the insurance.  He will have to pay for his own clothes.  He will also have to help us out with the physical upkeep on the property.  Trust me when I tell you we've got a lot that is almost constant need of repair.  Short term, he's returning to his Lifeguard Gig.  He had language worked into his contract that if he is offered a professional job, he has only to finish out the week.  He doesn't have to give 2 weeks notice before he leaves. 

We aren't putting a timeline on him moving out because 1) He needs to save money and 2) He's living at home with his parents after living on his own for 4 years.  We don't think he's going to want to stay here for long!  Speaking as his parents, I'm glad that we get to spend some extra time with him before he moves on and starts his own life separate from ours.

He is fortunate in that he hasn’t accumulated student loan debt.  Husband and I saved money through the Maryland Pre-Paid College Savings Plan.  His in-state tuition was covered through those funds.  Husband and I were able to cover the difference between his tuition and Room and Board and other fees.  Middle Child himself paid for his textbooks and his living expenses.  His own frugality and thrift through college has made this mom very proud!  I’ve  enjoyed watching him use the strategies he passively learned from me to help keep his own expenses down over the last four years.

I’m a little confused by the CBS report.  I know a lot of Millennials are moving back home in order to save money and pay down student debt after graduation.  The kids I know who have moved back home are hard-working kids who are working more than one job.  They are moving out after two years.  Many of them have paid off their student loans, bought a car with a significant amount of money down, and pulled together a handsome down payment on a home.  I don’t personally know any Millennials who are sucking their parent’s savings down.  

Maybe I'm fortunate enough to know the exemplary Millennials? 

University of Virginia

Last week, we visited several potential graduate schools with middle child.  Since we were roaming through the Mid-Atlantic Region, we decided that we would swing by the University of Virginia.   I've always loved the UVA campus.  It's beautiful, and the school is beyond compare.  I wish that they'd had the programs I was searching for when I went off to college. 

This gorgeous school was founded by Thomas Jefferson in 1819.  It was intended to be an Academic Village.  In the picture below, you see the Rotunda.  It was (and still is a part of) the library.  Down in front, you see the lawn, and on the left and right sides of the lawn, there are the original rooms and the classrooms.  The individual rooms are very nice - they are single occupancy.  Each has a fireplace, and the original stone work.  And no indoor plumbing.  Think on that for a while.  It wouldn't even have been considered necessary 100 years ago.  Today, the residents go outside, down the stairs, and around back to access the bathrooms.  Think about that trek when it's snowing, cold, and icy.

When my sister graduated from UVa, the ceremony was held here, on the lawn.  We sat with our backs facing the Rotunda, and the speaker was downhill - at the other end of the lawn.  I know she absolutely loved her time in school, and had hopes that her kids would go to school there.

Is middle child considering attending the University for graduate school?  Who knows?  He's trying to decide whether to enter the work world or go to graduate school.  He must make that decision soon - applications are due by the end of the year (November, I think.) and GRE's and subject area tests need to be taken before then in order to be considered for admission.

I'm enjoying the continuing tour of college campuses.  Daughter has yet to apply, too.  She'll be graduating from the community college next spring, and she needs to have her transfer applications in by the end of this year, too.  You can never see enough college campuses.. never!  

The Rotunda.

The Ampitheater.  It was 70* when we were here.  Students were sitting all over the ampitheater, studying.

The library - part of the admissions tour, so I didn't get a good chance to take a lot of pictures.

The reading room in the main library.

Move In Day #3

With a 12 hour drive down to Georgia staring us in the face, we woke up last Wednesday morning at 5 am, hoping to beat the traffic around Washington DC.  We had packed everything the night before, and we were on our way south by 5:30 in the morning.  Traffic was heavy, but it was still moving along at that time of the morning. 

We crossed the Potomac River at 6:30.  In the picture on the right, you can see the cranes working on new construction at National Harbor, just as the sun is beginning to peek over the horizon.  In spite of the very early hour, the crews were already at work, and the cranes were moving things around as we passed by.  We were hoping to make it down to my Mom's house a little after 7.  She lives south of Washington and north of Richmond, and we were hoping to have some breakfast with her while we waited out the Richmond morning traffic.

We stopped at a couple of Starbucks for caffeination on the way down.  Don't you love the bike racks out front?  I love how Starbucks goes about finding ways to support artists and keep them in business.  You and I see a cute sculpture.  A working artist sees this as a commission that will go towards paying the rent, and will keep them in business.  It's funny weird when you think of it that way, isn't it?    

Finally, we arrived in Georgia.  I love the tree lined streets here, and the moss covered trees.  I wouldn't want to live here, mind you.  The humidity is freaking horrible, and I would melt.  Literally.  Since the humidity is so high, there is no place for your sweat to go.  It just stays on you.  The day we got down there, the temperature was over 90, and so was the humidity.  Oh yeah, now I remember why there's a demarcation line that I will NEVER move south of - the North/South Carolina border!  Did I mention the bugs?  The south has some pretty serious bugs.  They don't get killed off by the frosts down there.  Another reason I live in Maryland.  It's nice to be reminded of these things once in a while!

We moved daughter into her dorm.  These dorms were originally an old motel, and they have been converted into college dorm rooms.  So, if you think of an old motel filled with 2 double beds and room to walk around, and then take out the motel furniture, you've actually got a pretty spacious room!  When we walked into the room, husband and I were pacing it out.  We both lived in the old dorms at Virginia Tech, and my dorm room,  fronting the drillfield was smaller than his.  Even so, her room, shared with one other person is the same size as 4 of the dorm rooms in my old building.  Am I jealous?  Ummm.... yes..    The hallways are hallways - nothing exciting going on there.  Since every room has it's own bathroom, every floor is coed by room.  Very different experience from when we went to school!  Girls dorms and boys dorms back then!  Not even co-ed by floor!  The picture below shows the area around her drafting table and dresser.  There's room for a really big area rug on the floor - and her bed is on the other side of the room.

Funny story here - when we were moving daughter in,
we noticed a young man trying to shove a wheeled cart into one of the doors, even though there was stuff hanging out of the right side of the cart, he kept pushing and pushing the cart into the door and it kept bouncing back.  I looked at husband and muttered "Art School NOT Engineering School".  We assume that young man is not going into sculpture or architecture....

Lastly, this tower of books in the book store really caught my eye.  All of these books are withdrawn library books from the local public library.  They are old volumes of U.S. Laws.  I know that these were added to the online collection at the Law Library of Congress not all that long ago.  I'm just really glad to know that the books still exist, and that they are being treated as the works of art that they are.  The information contained inside of them is still valuable - and in this installation, it might not be immediately accessible, but it is available.  (Librarian rant.  I'll expand upon this at some future point.)

Husband and I left on Saturday afternoon and began the long drive home.  We stopped on the road Saturday night and then got home on yesterday afternoon in time to watch the Ravens lose.


Her classes start today!  Here's hoping to a fantastic semester for her and all of the class of 2019 - wherever they may be!

Moving Day

We moved oldest child into his apartment over the last couple of days.  This is a totally new experience for me.  I went straight from my Undergraduate Degree into the work world, and I moved back home after I graduated until I got married 2 years later.  I completed my graduate degree as an adult, with a family and a job to juggle.  His experience will be different.  His school is giving him a stipend to study.  Must be nice - to be paid to go to school!  THAT was never MY experience!

Anyway, he and a friend are both going to the same graduate school.  They found an apartment townhouse, and found a third person to share expenses.  I met the third person, and really like him.  He worked in the real world for 3 years in order to save enough money up to go back and get his PhD.  Nice young men, all of them.

Anyway, this is the progression of events over the last few days:
Cleaning out his room.  Remember I said I had to sit down with him in order to get him to clean out under the loft bed?  If you look closely, you can see that under the bed is clean!  As of Tuesday afternoon, this is what the rest of his room looked like.  His brother's stuff is all shoved firmly under his loft bed.

This is the pile of stuff in the living room that he had sorted out to go.  To be fair, not everything is his.  Daughter's pile is next to his pile.  She's adding stuff to one of her boxes here.

The van, with seats removed, packed and ready to go.  We went up in two cars.  Husband and oldest son went up together in the van.  The rest of us went in the Civic.  It was a beautiful 4 hour drive, straight up into the mountains.  I would have had one of the kids take pictures while we were driving up, but somehow, a camera phone just can't quite capture the majesty of the mountains.

The day after we moved him in, we went exploring around campus.  Of course, his mother is a librarian, and he's going to be working on a graduate degree.  What do you think was the first place that I insisted we go and visit?

The library.  Isn't this gorgeous?  I just love this atrium!  What an awesome place to curl up and study in between classes!  It's nicer than my library where I went to school!

The Leisure Reading Room of the library.  I could live in here!  I wonder if they're hiring librarians?  Wouldn't that be a hoot?  To go to graduate school at the same university where your Mom works? Livin' the dream, that's what that would be!

Says it all, doesn't it?

I have many, many more pictures, but you would get sick and tired of looking at them all and never come back and visit my blog again!

He lives in a sweet spot. He's far enough away from campus that he should be able to get some peace and quiet.  His neighborhood is mostly graduate students and young professionals.  They are within walking distance of a grocery store, and on the bus line, with a bus stop at the end of their street to get them back and forth to campus.  For now, he is going without a car.  He doesn't think he's going to need one to get back and forth to campus, and the walk from any parking lot would be much, much longer than the walk from his door to the end of his street.  

Before we left, we took him grocery shopping.  We bought his "start up" groceries for him.  Before we left, we made a chili and left it in the slow cooker for his dinner.  Unfortunately for him, he left his graduation cookbook home.  I am under strict instructions to send it to him ASAP.  

Moving him in was an experience.  I'm looking forward to going back when he's been there for a while and he can walk us around and give us a campus tour!  

I really do hope that he enjoys himself!

College Visits

When I was looking at colleges, my parents refused to take me out to tour the colleges until after I had accepted the offer of admission to a school.  To this day, I still think that if I had been allowed to visit the campuses of both schools I was interested in, I would have chosen to go to the OTHER school, and not the one I went to.  The other school was smaller, closer to home, and also had a beautiful campus, but it was a very different atmosphere than the school that I went to.

So, with our kids, we have toured every college campus of every school they were interested in during the course of the Junior year of high school, and the summer between Junior and Senior years.
Over three children, we've now visited 10 campuses.

It's funny, because with some of the schools the kids were looking at, I was totally opposed to the school going in, but was charmed enough by the admissions program and seeing the campus and talking to the professors that I was willing to consider the schools as excellent matches for my kids.  Other campuses, I went in thinking they'd be okay, and walked away vehemently opposed to the school for some reason or another.

Many of the schools now include lunch as part of their tour.  So, after you walk around campus, you get to eat in one of the dining halls.  It's a great opportunity to sample to food, and check to make certain that the food is edible, and that dietary choices are offered.  (A very important thing for vegetarians and those of certain religious beliefs.)  Believe it or not, that dining room visit can make our break a college in the minds of the kids.  Considering that they are going to be eating there every day for at least a year, I do think that knowing what the food is like in the dining hall is crucial.

We had the day off of school yesterday, so we went to visit another school on daughter's list.  I went into the school with an open mind.  After visiting it, I can honestly say I don't hate the school, but I don't think it's a good match for my daughter.  I didn't say anything during the tour, but I was relieved when we got into the car and she told me she didn't like the school. 

We've had some interesting highlights over the years on our school visits:

1) A tour guide at one college was called "Girl on Fire" by the admissions staff.  One of the parents asked "Why do they call you that?  Are you on the track team?"

"No", she admitted.  "When you become a student tour guide,  you get these really nice fleece jackets.  I like mine a lot and wear it a lot.  I'm also on the swim team.  So, I got done with practice, took a shower, and put my fleece on to go back to my dorm room.  When I got back to my room, my friends wanted to go to the dining hall to get dinner.  So, I tossed my fleece into the microwave to dry it off.  Who knew that the fleece would catch fire in the microwave??"

2) A mother and son were walking behind us on a campus tour when the tour guide mentioned that the school had a planetarium, and that on Friday nights after the planetarium show, the staff would open up the telescope on the roof and let people look through it.

"Justin would love this place."  Said the mother.

"Well then, keep it in mind when Justin looks for schools" said the son.

"No, I really mean Justin would love it here!  The planetarium, the telescope..."

At this point, the son starts screaming.. "Then bring JUSTIN here when he's looking for schools!  Right now, I'M looking for schools!" 

(Okay, that one was a very awkward moment, and a lesson for all of us parents on what to do and not to do when looking at colleges!)

3)  A group of students joined in with our tour group and was walking along with us while the guide was telling us about the wonders of the campus.  The kids start talking in low voices amongst themselves:

"Hey, this campus is pretty nice."

"Yeah, I hear they've got a really nice student body."

"Good school, great sports teams..."

"But there is that cocaine problem..."

I did turn around at that one, started laughing at the kids in our group, and thanked them.  They all sheepishly grinned and left our tour group.  I know there are drugs everywhere, and I don't think the drug problem on that campus is any different than the drug problem on any other campus.  What I really appreciated was the effort it took to add some levity into a tour that was growing pretty old by that point in time!

4) Oh hey... Penn State has ice cream from their creamery.  You don't get it on the tour, but the tour does end fairly close to the ice cream place.

University of Maryland ends their tours in the same building as their creamery, and they aren't shy about pointing out that they have the best ice cream anywhere.

5) Jim Henson (creator of the Muppets) went to the University of Maryland.  The character of Miss Piggy was based upon a girl he went out with in college.  Not only is he immortalized on campus with a bronze statue of him and Kermit, but somewhere, in one of the dorms, the person who inspired Miss Piggy is also immortalized...  

We've got 4 more schools on daughter's list to visit.  We're hitting up three of them over her spring break.

And then?  Oldest son is looking at Grad. Schools, and he is compiling a list for us to visit over his break this spring...  I've more than made up for the schools that I didn't get to visit when I was in high school!

Move In Day

Today was move in day at college for middle child.

We came home from the West Coast last night.  After several glitches which I will describe another day, we finally arrived home last night at 10:30. 

A very quick night's sleep, and we were up again this morning at 7 am. 

Fortunately, middle child had packed everything up before we left on vacation.  Once we were all up and dressed, we pulled all of our suitcases out of the van and then put all of his boxes and clothes into the van.

Unlike many schools, only the freshman moved in today.  Everyone else will move in on Monday.
The school held the cars at the traffic control point, and then would let a car through as another car pulled out, and you were directed to the open parking space.  20 minute unloading is strictly enforced in front of the dorms.  While middle child was checking into his dorm, we unloaded the van under a tree, and then I sat and waited with his stuff while DH moved the van to the designated long term parking area.  As ungainly as this system seems, we only waited 10 minutes to be directed to a space directly in front of son's dorm room.

Moving his stuff in, unpacking, and making his bed took us another 20 minutes.

After he was settled into his room, we went and bought his books.  Fortunately, he is going to the same school as oldest child, and majoring in the same field.  (Mathematics).  We rented many of his textbooks, and oldest child is loaning him a couple of textbooks that he had held onto.

We ate lunch in the dining hall with him, and then waved good-bye and took off. 

One of my cousins texted me this afternoon and asked if leaving him at school and taking off was terribly hard.

"Not really," I replied.  "I think we were both relieved when he was moved in and his uncertainty is over.  He is in his dorm room, and he is happily settled into his new situation."

I know when I went to college, I was relieved when my mother decided that she was done and took off.  It felt like the first time in months that I had been able to relax, and it was the first time I'd ever been able to make my own decisions.  It was an empowering moment for me!

For all of the parents who are sending kids off to college for the first time, or for the third time, I wish all of you lots of peace, lots of happiness, and joy.  Joy for what is to come, and joy for the new challenges all of us are facing- both our kids, and us - who are facing the challenge of empty, or at least smaller, nests.

An Investment in Your Future

We've been touring college campuses up and down the East Coast since Saturday. While the campuses have begun to blur together in my mind, there is one thing that stood out: every college touted how important it was to make an investment in your child's education, and went to great lengths to tell us just how easy it is to get student loans. They brushed off annual tuitions of $40,000 (at state run, public universities) as trivial in comparison to the gains they would have through life, beginning as soon as they graduate. I'm not sure what most kids earn starting fresh out of college, but I'm pretty sure it's not enough to pay that debt off in a timely manner and start their lives out on the right foot.

I paid my own way through college. No debt when I graduated. Yes, I had to work while I took classes, but I have forever been able to say that I paid for my own education. I went in state, and I went to a nationally recognized school. My husband also worked his way through college in the co-op program - a decision that earned him a higher starting salary upon graduation.

So, we've been looking at schools with an eye on tuition and expenses. We want our kids to have an excellent education, but we don't want them saddled with debt, either. Graduating with $160,000 or more in debt is out of the question.

We've found absolute gems. Hidden within the maze of public universities, we are finding amazing campuses with fantastic programs at reasonable prices. (We found one today for $15,000 annually.). We've found great scholarship programs at some of these schools, and we've found amazing business partnerships. It's been an eye opening experience.

The true investment for our kids is going to be the investment in time, the time to make certain that they find an excellent, affordable education so that they can begin their journey into adulthood debt free.

University of Maryland

The middle child is looking at colleges.  Last week, we visited the University of Maryland.

Maryland is known for many things- an awesome school of business, high academic standards, and their basketball and football teams, as well as the home-made ice cream served in the lower level of the Student Union.  (The Creamery)

Many famous alumni have graduated from Maryland: Connie Chung, Larry David, Robert Basham, Sergey Brin, and Carl Bernstein.  Perhaps the best known of all the graduates is Jim Henson: the creator of The Muppets.

On campus, just outside of the student union is a statue of Jim Henson and Kermit.  They are sitting together on a bench, facing each other.

While on the tour of Maryland, I heard a couple of stories about Jim Henson that I'd never heard before.  The character of Animal was based on one of Henson's Fraternity brothers.  Miss Piggy's character was based on one of Henson's former girlfriends.  Even better--the dorm where the girl lived has been immortalized and now contains her profile in the lobby. 

I wonder how often that woman has cringed over the years as we have watched the popularity of Miss Piggy, and her continuing infatuation with Kermie over the years.

College Move In

Today is the big day.  We moved our oldest child into college, and we managed to make it home again before Hurricane Irene began to dump serious amounts of rain on us. 

I remember his first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday.  The confusion, the lines of excited parents and children, and the very confused siblings.  Our daughter was 1 1/2 when the oldest one started kindergarten, and she was standing next to her brother, holding his hand up until he walked into the door.  She was very, very upset that we would not let her follow him into the kindergarten classroom.

This morning was amazing.  The same experience; excited parents and children, lots of chaos, and some very confused siblings. 

We moved after our son finished 6th grade, as did several of our friends.  We had some amazing people that we had lost contact with over the last couple of years with the stress of raising teenagers.

And here's the amazing part:  My son's best friends from that time in his life are also attending the same University with him.  They are all in the same dorm.  They are all on the same floor.  We saw the parents in the dining hall at lunch time, and it was like old home week!  It was wonderful. 

The boys all slunk off while we crowded around the middle of the dining hall, hugging each other and shaking hands. 

As I started to walk off with our second child, he was stopped by several kids that he's met at the regional robotics tournaments over the last couple of years.  They were all like "hey, how's it goin'??" And doing that weird handshake that they do,  and then he introduced those kids to his brother, who will be the student there this fall.

Move in was amazingly smooth, and textbooks were purchased within 20 minutes of walking in the door of the bookstore.  We left at 1:00, just as the first of the weather was arriving.  We got home safe and sound a little while later, and I'm sitting here now, listening to the rain pound down on the house. 

I still have mixed emotions about him going off to college, but I feel much better knowing that he already knows several kids before classes even begin...

All packed and ready to go!  I hope we didn't forget anything important!

Now this was cool.  It's a line of about 20 Power One electrical maintenance trucks from Florida.  They were headed East on  Highway 70 when we saw them.  Thanks for the proactive help!

And here's all of the stuff, waiting to be moved in.  The University actually had Office Movers on hand, with big carts - think of the carts that industrial laundries use.  They were there as soon as I took the picture, loaded the stuff into the cart, and took it upstairs with our son.  Total move in time: 10 minutes.

Nifty clouds.  These were swirling around as we were getting ready to leave, dumping lots of rain on us.

Course Registration Day

I am definitely feeling a little blue and very nostalgic this morning. Our oldest child is at college this morning. It is their orientation experience. The kids were checked in last night at 5. The parents were "shooed" away, and the kids spent the night on campus, getting to know the University a little bit better and meeting other kids who will be majoring in the same field as them. I don't think there are that many kids double majoring in Math and Physics, but they did have a pretty full house when I left last night. I think the commonality there was the Math major. Anyway, the parents are invited to come back on campus this morning at 9, when we will get our own orientation. I'm wondering if they will have a workshop for us entitled "What to do when one of the younger siblings needs help with their math homework". It doesn't seem all that long ago that we were going off to our college orientation. I went to Virginia Tech. My Dad and I went down the night before and stayed at one of the hotels just off campus. We went in early the next morning, and he sat with me through all of the presentations, the course selection, the meetings with the advisors, and a campus tour. I remember him choking up as he said "I really envy you! This will be one of the best experiences of your life. You will always look back on your college years as some of the most meaningful, best, and carefree times of your life. Much of your adult life will be shaped here over the next 4 or 5 years." Personally, I was more excited about moving out of the house and being on my own than I was about the endless opportunities that lay ahead of me. Over the next five years, I suffered wonderful failures. Spectacular dissapointments. I learned much about myself, who I am, and what I truly believe to be important in my life. I found that money isn't everything, and pursuing what you are passionate about is much more important than earning a high salary at a job that you hate. I made life-long friends that I still keep in contact with. No matter where we are, when we get together the years melt away and I could swear we are all 21 again, with our entire lives and a future of possibilities laid out ahead of us. I even met my husband. Honestly, I met him the first semester we were there. And then, I was introduced to him again a year later. We finally met up and became friends our 4th year in college, when we were both singing in the choir. We started dating just months before graduation in our 5th year. Here we are now, 23 years later. I look at my son, and I see the endless world of possibilities laid out ahead of him. I see the lifelong friendships that he will make. I know that he will suffer specatcular failures, and learn more from those than he does from his successes. I also know that, more than anything else, he is looking forward to moving out of the house and being on his own. To be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to him moving out of the house, too.