A Sobering Thought

I don't often get on my parental soap box, but I'm going to today.

There is a group of kids in our neighborhood who have been hoodlums for years. 

We live in a fairly nice, middle class neighborhood.  We are out in the far, far outer suburbs, in a mostly rural environment.  Many of our neighbors commute into DC and Baltimore daily.  One parent either stays home, works part time, out of the home, or works locally.

When we moved into the neighborhood, my son met this group and began hanging out with them.  The behaviors I began to see out of him were inexcusable.  There was one night when he decided he was going to stay out with his friends until midnight.  At the tender age of 10.  I went out and found him, and drug his sorry ass home.  Yes, I embarrassed him in front of those kids, but I told him in no uncertain terms that we would not stand for this behavior.  I was a parent, he hated me for it, and I had to suck it up and deal with it.

In order to keep him away from that group of kids, we got all three of the kids involved in as many things as we could.  Boy Scouts, Soccer, FIRST Robotics, a Christian Drama Troupe, and the Improv Club.  We then promptly demanded that he kept his grades at an A/B level in order to continue to participate.  (He did make C's, but if he had an A to balance the C, we let it go.)

In the meantime, we dealt with vandalism from that group of kids because I wasn't being fair to middle child.  We had them knocking on our doors at midnight, asking if he could come out and play.  Our next door neighbor set his dogs on them a couple of times when he saw them prowling around our property in the middle of the night.

I even had one of the parents tell me that I needed to "loosen up and let kids be kids".  He went so far as to ask if I "had a stick up my ass, or has it been too long since your husband has done his duty?"  Lovely.  What a great parent.

Anyway, time passed, middle child lost all interest in that group, and found a social group at school that was totally separate from anyone in our neighborhood.  I no longer had to forbid contact with them as he had no interest in them.

That back corner of the neighborhood has had 4 families move out over the last 8 years, specifically to get their kids away from that influence.

Over the last 8 years, I've watched, appalled, the progression of things from that corner of the neighborhood.

When I go walk back there, there is usually a visible haze of smoke that smells like marijuana.  I've heard rumors of that group selling drugs, doing drugs, and having wild sex.  One of the boys, at the tender age of 16, has just found out that he is going to be a father in a couple of months.

All of the kids at school talk about how those kids disrespect the teachers, lie to their parents, and have had multiple suspensions.

The worst of the lot is the 16 year old I mentioned earlier.  He's in the same grade as my daughter.
He's been suspended multiple times.  He comes to school high.  He roams the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night.  He's going to be a dad.  He's physically threatened the teachers, and attacked other students at school.

He was arrested earlier this week for robbing a gas station. 

The police executed a search warrant at the house, and they found drugs, the weapon, and other items.

I am speechless.

While I always knew this kid was going to come to some bad end, I certainly never expected this to be it.  I expected him to OD. 

The ironic thing is, the father of this kid is the same one who told me that I needed to "loosen up and let kids be kids". 

You know, when you make the decision to be a parent and not a friend, you make a difficult choice.
Life is not easy.  You make unpopular decisions.  Your kids will hate you at the time.  You have to stick by your decisions.  I have always explained why to my kids, giving them the reasoning behind my decisions.  I will not change my mind, but I wanted them to understand why I felt the way I felt.

It was a tough couple of years.  Over those tough years, when middle child would tell me he hated me, I'd respond "I love you. And I love you enough to want the best for you.  You don't need to love me, but I expect you to respect me and your dad.  In return, we will respect you.  This respect includes looking out for you and the choices that you make."

I spent a lot of time praying for the strength to stick to my decisions.

I spent a lot of time praying for the wisdom to make decisions that were in the best interest of my children.

I spent a lot of time praying for strength for my children to avoid the temptation of drugs and alcohol that was so easily available.

Thankfully, the kids survived middle school.  Two of them have made it safely through high school, and the last one has made it through two and a half years.  I believe they have all made good decisions, and know how to resist the temptations of the fast life.

I still keep praying for them, to have the strength to avoid the temptations of drugs and alcohol.

Being a parent is never easy.  It is hard.  The middle school and teenage years are very, very hard to navigate as a parent.

One thing is certain, though.  I don't need to be my kid's friend.  They have friends.  I need to be their parent.  I need to set limits.  I need to stick by those limits, and I need to hand out punishments when the rules are broken.  I have my own friends.  We stuck by each other like glue, meeting for coffee to discuss our latest challenges and giving each other the needed encouragement to hold steady through thick and thicker.

Yes, the kids will complain.

But, if I'm not spending their college money, and taking out a second mortgage on the house in order to pay for a lawyer to get them out of trouble?  Then every last minute of being a parent was worth it.

What's the word?  Priceless.