You Can't Make This Stuff Up - Part 1

Our apartment is in the middle of a suburban city. We’re across the parking lot from the public library, and half a block away from Whole Foods Market. It’s a nice neighborhood. We feel relatively safe living here. But crazy things do happen. Because it’s an apartment building and when you have that many people living that close together, things will happen. 

 Sometime back in October, we had someone banging on our door. Not just any kind of banging, but a heavy push and shove to the door. I could see the door jamb shaking and I was afraid that whoever it was would break open the door. Being filled with not much common sense and way too much bravado, I looked out the peep hole. I could see someone on the other side of the door, getting ready to throw himself at the door again.

Let me insert here: 1) I am stupid. I’m used to working in a library where I deal with a lot of human problems every single day. 2) I did see police walking across the parking bridge to the balcony outside of our doors through the peephole. I realize I should have waited for them to get to us, but... 3) The moron was going to break our door down before the police got there.

Did I ever mention that I used to teach in the inner city? I have a mean teacher attitude when I need it that has served me well over the years. 

Anyway, I picked up my tiny little black cat who was arched up and bushed out and pointed all 24 of her pointy ends at the door, unlocked the bolt and tossed the door open. “What!” I screamed. (I’m pretty sure I looked like the wicked witch of the west at that moment. Hair awry, angry hissing black cat with pointy ends clawing towards his face.) 

The police turned in our direction as the dude looked at me and said “Woah. Cat. Angry Cat. Sorry.” He turned, saw the police headed his way and took off running in the opposite direction. 

One of the officers stopped to talk to me for a moment. I wanted him to check the integrity of the door before he left. He looked at me, and my very pissed off black cat and said, “Just what were you going to do if he tried to come in?”

“Throw the cat at him. A fully loaded, claws out, pissed off 6 pound black cat is not to be taken lightly.” After he snorted, he gave me a lecture on the dangers of opening the door to unknown people. 

I know, I know. I was dumb. And very lucky. 

This cute little warrior!

PS – before you lecture me, in addition to the cat, I did have a can of self-defense spray in my hand. Not the one holding the cat. The one behind the door. I might be stupid. But I’m not completely stupid. Remember the part about teaching in the Inner City? I bought the self-defense spray when we moved into the apartment over the summer – just in case. 

 PPS – We now have one of those nifty under the doorknob door jambs that won’t permanently damage the apartment, but it does supply an extra layer of protection after the useless chain and not very serious deadbolt provided by the management of the apartment.