Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I was sitting in the sanctuary at church just after the VBS opening ceremonies when I got a very strange phone call from my mother in law.

"Hello?  Bob went to the hospital this morning and he's not back yet.  Should I be worried?"

"What?"  I stupidly blundered.

"This morning, the doctor called the house and told Bob to go to the emergency room immediately.  I told him not to bother going because you know, doctors always exaggerate things.  He went, but I stayed home to teach him a lesson."

"Which hospital?"  I asked.  She told me, I phoned the hospital and talked to the admitting desk, who connected me to the staff nurse on duty.

It turns out my Father in Law was in renal failure.  He had been to see his primary care doctor the day before, and they drew blood as a matter of course.  When the doctor read his test results the next morning, he called Bob and told him to go immediately to the hospital, as he was in mortal danger.  When he got to the hospital, he passed out as he walked in the front doors. Bob had to drive himself in to the hospital, since my mother in law wouldn't go with him.  To this day, I am so thankful that he was able to make it safely to the hospital and didn't pass out behind the wheel of the car on his way there.

When I spoke to the nurse, they had him on fluids, and had scheduled him for surgery first thing in the morning.

I called my mother in law back, and relayed the information.  Her response?  "Doctors overreact about everything.  This is just a way to scam the insurance company."  In all my years, I've never yet heard of a doctor admitting a patient because of an overreaction.

I showed up at the hospital early the next morning, but my father in law was already in surgery, having emergency stents put in for dialysis.

At this point in time, my mother-in-law still hadn't been to the hospital.

I was there when he came out of surgery, there when the doctors said "You've had an unusual test result come back.  We need to do an MRI, and we need to run a few more tests,"  and I was there when they wheeled him out for his first dialysis treatment.

I showed up again early the next morning, and my mother in law finally decided that "maybe she should visit the hospital and see what was going on."  The doctors came in and asked permission to run one more test.  She told me "I don't think they know what they're doing."

"No," I responded "I think they know exactly what they are doing, and they know exactly what they are looking for.  I think they are making certain their diagnosis is correct because they don't want to get sued if they are wrong.  They would have already told us if there was nothing to be concerned about."

So, the time line here:  He is admitted to the hospital.  The next day is our 20th wedding anniversary.
5 days later is my birthday.

On my birthday, a team of doctors somberly filed into Bob's room.  They made certain that everyone in the room was family, and asked him if we were allowed to stay, or if he wanted anyone to leave.  I offered to leave, since I was only a daughter in law, but he insisted that I stay.

With a sinking heart, I listened as the lead doctor began to speak: "Sir, you were admitted with a dangerously high levels (of something) in your blood.  When  you were admitted,  your kidneys were shutting down.  Kidneys don't just shut down.  There has to be a reason.  Unfortunately, we have found the reason.  I am sorry, sir.  You have stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  It has spread to your kidneys and to your liver.  You have a spot on your heart, and several spots on your lungs.  I wish there was something that we could do for you."

Never missing a beat, my father in law said "I still need to get to Alaska and Hawaii.  Will I have enough time to do that?"

The lead doctor smiled. "I don't know, sir, but you can try."

Sadly, the cancer was too widespread.  He wasn't able to make the trip to Alaska or Hawaii.  Less than 3 months after he was diagnosed, he passed away.

Time passes us by too quickly.  We often don't take the time to stop and look at the blooming flowers, watch a child dance in the rain, or catch a snow flake on our tongue.  We don't remember to hug the ones we love most, thinking to ourselves "I'll catch them tonight when I get home" or "I'm sure he knows I love him".

I will always remember my father in law's zest for life.  I remember catching him jumping in mud puddles with the kids when they were little, hopping in a car to chase a rainbow to it's end, and sitting in the church narthex, long after church was over, listening to the stories that the older people in church had to tell, laughing with them, and then driving them home.  He would then carefully record their stories in his journal, so that sometime, somewhere, someone else would be able to laugh at the magic memories of a time long past.

Why am I dwelling on this today, of all days?  Well, the fatal phone call was 3 years ago, on a Tuesday evening.  Our anniversary is coming up this weekend.  My Mother is having eye surgery this next week, on the day after our anniversary.  Not that I'm superstitious or anything, but....

While you've got the time, make sure you hug the ones you love the most.  Make sure that they know just how much you love them.  Tell them in words.  Life really does just whiz by too quickly.