I was having lunch with a friend yesterday, and we ended up discussing a rather disturbing trend we are noticing: parents who are abdicating their responsibility. These parents are not taking any ownership of their children, and then blame everyone else for their child's problems. Three main points stick with me from our discussion yesterday, and I'd like to share them. I'm hoping that what we were discussing is just a trend in our area, and not a national problem.
Our discussion began with a large problem:
Parents who expect the schools to teach their children morals and values.
Really?
I might send my children to public schools, but I will be the one to instill them with values. I don't always agree with the state approved set of morals and values.
I want my children to grow up to be responsible adults, who make good decisions, and take responsibility for their actions. I want my kids to learn to be self-sufficient, and I want them to be able to take care of themselves and their family (if they should ever have one.) I want them to have jobs, families, and responsibilities of their own.
I want them to fail, while they are still in high school, so that they can learn how to recover from that failure and succeed. And I want them to learn these lessons while they are in high school, so that they have the love and support of their family constantly surrounding them. I'm not going to tell the school "you have to pass my child". I'm going to ask my child "What do you need to do to recover from this? Let's make a plan. What can I do to help you reach those goals?" Failure is a part of life, like it or not, and they need to learn how to fail, and recover from that failure now, before a career is on the line.
Parents who expect the government to amuse their children.
My friend had heard this one on the radio, and she was appalled:
Dirt bikes are illegal on the streets of Washington D.C. The police were ticketing kids who were riding dirt bikes, and were arresting repeat offenders.
Parents were complaining that it was the fault of the police department that their kids were riding on the streets as "The police didn't give them a place to ride their dirt bikes."
Last time I checked, the job of the police is to enforce the laws. NOT to build amusement parks for your children.
In my day, our parents went out and petitioned the city council for land to build a skateboard park in our neighborhood. They then held fundraisers, solicited donations, and put in countless volunteer hours to put in a skateboard park for the teens, and then once it was built, they asked the police department to swing a patrol through the area every so often.
Just recently, on the other side of the county where I live, several residents felt there was a need for a bigger playground for the little kids near the skateboard park. They got together, petitioned the county for a donation of land, and solicited for funds and held fundraisers to build new playground equipment. Not a dime of the money for that playground equipment came from tax payer dollars, but kids come from all over the area to play. One local business recently donated a huge pergola and several benches for parents to sit on and supervise their children while they play. It's become quite a gathering spot for families.
They didn't ask the government to amuse their kids- they provided the muscle and innovation to provide for their children. They asked the government for the land. The parents did the rest.
Our discussion ended with a smaller problem:
Lack of Volunteerism.
This is an issue we are seeing more and more. Parents who want their children to have activities - robotics teams, scout troops, youth groups, swim teams, soccer teams, etc., but refuse to step up and offer their services to make these things happen for their kids.
I have a friend who is putting together soccer teams for a nearby county. He has 50 kids that have yet to be placed on a team. He asked the parents to step up. He needs a minimum of 4 parents - 2 for each of 2 teams. Not a one of them is willing to step up. The excuses range from "I'm busy" to "I don't have experience" to "I shouldn't have to coach, that's why I'm paying $30 for this team."
Hm. We have 3 children. There are exactly 4 years between the oldest and the youngest. Over the years, between the two of us, my husband and I have been assistant soccer coaches, den leaders, girl scout leaders, advancement chairs, Sunday School Teachers, youth assistants, the list goes on and on and on. We volunteered on field trips, school picnics, and in high school, we did our turn chaperoning trips, helping with sports teams, providing snacks, and everything else that it took to be involved.
We know the kids friends. We know their friends' parents. We have enjoyed every minute of raising our kids, and watching them and their friends grow. I feel like we created our own village to raise these kids together.
Has it been insane? Absolutely. There were evenings when I'd make dinner, pack it in bowls, take a blanket, and we'd eat on the side of a field somewhere. There were Saturdays when we'd change off kids in the parking lots of soccer fields around the county. Make no mistake, through it all, we ate dinner together every single night, and we always laughed about our adventures and talked through our challenges over whatever table we were seated around (or on).
Would we change any of it? Not on your life.
There are no words that describe walking into a school, a business establishment, or a doctor's office, and seeing someone who you knew when they were little. Their eyes light up, and they jump up and shout "Ms. B! It's so good to see you!" as they give you a hug. I love to see these successful, wonderful, self-assured adults that we had a small part in growing.
It's what makes the world a community. It gives us neighbors. It gives us friends.
And in this crazy world we live in, it's always nice to find an unexpected friend.
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