I went to the gym this morning. I was on the treadmill when my nemesis came in and hopped onto the treadmill next to me. Armed to the teeth with her bluetooth headset and i-Pod headphones, she got onto the treadmill and began running.
As she runs, she sings snatches of the songs I assume that she's listening to on her i-Pod. Never an entire phrase, just a couple of words like "What I'm looking"..... silence for a while and then we hear "Hey there Delilah"..... this goes on for a while, until all of a sudden she'll scream out "You go girlfriend! Who-Hoo! I've done a mile! Look at me go! Next one to go!" ...... and then silence for a while until her phone rings and she begins screaming into it "Hey, how's it going? OMG! I just ran 2 miles can you f'ing believe it? I am so awesome! So, about those contracts..." And on and on it goes.
It's always an experience when she shows up. You can see all of the heads begin to droop when she shows up, and people will shift treadmills or stop early and lift weights once she settles in for her workout. No one quite knows what to do about it... and the trainers are at a loss. They can't throw her out for singing snatches of songs badly and then getting them stuck in our heads for the rest of the day, so we all get to suffer together.
As I was leaving, I experienced perhaps the oddest thing I've ever experienced.
Do you remember the scene in "When Harry Met Sally" when Meg Ryan was faking an orgasm at the table in the diner?
I don't know if this woman was faking it or not, but I swear to you, she was moaning and screaming while running on her treadmill, just like Meg Ryan did in that scene.
I tell you, it brought all activity in that gym to a screeching halt.
My workouts never end like that. I must be doing something wrong.
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