Chief Security Officer's Report

 It's been an interesting time here in the Mid-Atlantic sector.  I am new to the post and have many things to relate in this, my first security report back to the Federation.

I have been playing with something called "yarn".  It's green and blue, and Mom is making it into a shrug.  Or so she says.  I think it is alive.  When she works on it, the yarn moves!  I do my best to kill it so it won't hurt her, but all I hear is "No Hobbes, don't do that!" and then she puts all of the yarn away, just killing my fun.

We had strangers come into the Station two weeks ago.  They removed a freezer from the basement.  Dad (the hairy human) said that they were from the electric company, and were going to remove an old appliance for us.  In exchange, they would give us money to get an old appliance off the grid.  (What is this "grid"?)  I subjected them to a thorough Screening before allowing them into the Station.  While I smelled many new and intriguing smells, none seemed threatening.  The strangers smiled at me and attempted to scratch my ears!  Can you believe the unmitigated gall of them!  I kept a close eye on them, watching their every move from the top of the stairs as well as from the top of the kitchen refrigerator.  As they were leaving the house, I gave them a final hiss to let them know that they were no longer welcome in the Station.  

 These "flowers" came into the house last week.  They smell very nice, but they don't taste all that great.  I ate one, but then the girl started yelling at me "No, Hobbes!  Don't eat that!  My BF gave them to me!  Stop it!"  She then pulled the "flowers" away from me.  After further investigation, I discovered that these flowers are called "Roses" and that the girl's special friend gave them to her. 

I keep hearing this word "NO".  I still don't know what it means, but I hear it a LOT.  I have been investigating it, and I have discovered that I hear it more when I do things that are really fun - like taking salmon off of a plate when somebody gets up from the table, pulling a wallet out of a purse, sitting on the kitchen counter and eating chicken off the cutting board, or untying shoelaces.  I really don't like this word.

Commander Luna is slowly getting adjusted to her new Command Position.  She doesn't respond to being called "Hey You", or even "Miss", but she does love to be called Commander.  I am having a hard time calling her Commander, but I am getting used to it.  She didn't care for me much at first, but she has accepted me.  We now touch noses, nuzzle against each other, play chase around the house, and every once in a while, we even play footsie.  I think I'm going to like this assignment. 

The humans in the house found a new and interesting way to torment the felines in the house.  This torture device houses food and treats.  Mom calls it a "stimulation" toy.  It's supposed to enrich our lives and keep us challenged and interested.  We were considering calling this cruel and unusual, but they are putting the really good chicken treats in here, so we are holding off on invoking the Geneva Catventions.

 

Lieutenant Hobbes
Chief Security Officer
Station #1
Mid-Atlantic Sector