A Bittersweet Moment

Daughter came home with the Senior Handbook this week.  This handbook has it all - the dates for the talent show, prom, senior cruise, graduation dates, etc.  Everything from here until the end of her mandatory K-12 education is detailed, written down, and explained in detail.  While reading it, I couldn't help but reminisce about my own high school graduation.  I remember how excited I was, and how much I was looking forward to going off to college and starting on my own journey.

It was equal parts excitement and terror.

*sniff*  already?

Last night, I was looking through her Senior Handbook, and listening to her babble on about how excited she was about graduation, and how much she was looking forward to starting on her own journey.

It was equal parts excitement and terror.

I am so proud of the girl, words can't even begin to hold it all together.  She has done so well, and risen above so many obstacles that have been tossed into her path.  I have watched as she has learned to pick herself up, dust herself off, and begin again more than once.  I have wiped away tears of frustration, sorrow, and joy, and commiserated with her about how to rise above a situation with grace and dignity.   Journeying with her from gangly, awkward little tomboy with two pigtails who was constantly trying to keep up with her brothers to a self-assured young woman who has hopes and dreams of what she wants to do with her life.

I am so excited for her - for the opportunities that lie before her - the adventures she will have as she goes forward into her life.

I am also terrified.  Did I teach her everything she needs to know?  Did she listen to all of those things that I said?  What happens when the world tries to crush her spirit?   Will she be able to rise above the horrible situations that present themselves and prevail?

With all 3 of my kids, I have always had their back.  But then, they go out into the world, and I have to know that I only have their back from a distance. 

Have I given them the tools that they need to survive and thrive?

I really hope I have.  I pray that I have.

It seems like only yesterday I was putting the little pumpkin on the bus for kindergarten, and I was receiving instructions on kindergarten graduation.  Hard to believe, but sending her off to kindergarten for the first time was just as terrifying.